The Onion Bag: Occasionally humorous football satire

Issue 215

1 October 2007

Updated Weekly

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TWENTY20 FOOTBALL

Portsmouth 7 Reading 4

Twenty20 football: Knockabout fun

World Twenty20

Any excuse for a World Cup

Premier League: All stars

All Stars: Rubbish

Soccer to nick another idea from cricket

FA chiefs have given the go ahead for a new Twenty20 Premier League to run parallel with the current season.

South Africa hosts World Cup

The Twenty20 format has proved immensely popular in Cricket, starting as a county competition two years ago to become an international success - reaching the heights of its own World Cup that finished in South Africa last week.

The FA's Chief of Unnecessary Tinkering, Ernesto Cockgroupier outlined the new tournament at a gala press launch at Soho Square earlier today: "We've seen how the short format has renewed interest in Cricket and most importantly seen clubs manage to regularly sell-out their games - which is more than can be said for 80% of the Premier League.

Less action - more ads

"Cricket's grasped the nettle and sold out centuries of tradition in favour of something that people like me can make a quick buck from - it's high time football followed suit."

In Cricket, the game is a shortened form of One Day Cricket, taking its name from the 20 overs per side innings. The result is an exciting knockabout that bears little resemblance to the original long version of the game. The football version will be played for only 20 minutes a half, to make it more exciting defenders will have to remain at least 5 yards away from anyone in possession of the ball."

Bit silly

"We secretly tested out the new rules at Fratton Park this weekend, but as we had to play 90 minutes it ended up getting a bit silly," admitted Cockgroupier.

"Of course there'll be a few teething problems - for example, those spectators used to leaving matches early may end up missing the entire second half - but we reckon this ideas got legs, well it can't be worse than that All-Stars rubbish that Sky is trying to peddle."

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